Hitler loves him some biosphere.
Ah, January. When college students slither out from under their rocks, try to mask the scent of ethanol, make themselves roughly resemble humans and wander back to campuses all across America. It is a time full of peril. The spring semester. The last chance to pull up the GPA that you have been whittling away at for the past five months. Wincing from our first exposure to sunlight in roughly a month we stagger into the classroom and take a seat awaiting a member of a peculiar species known as "professors". These individuals are always far too jovial for being in front of 80-something half-closed eyes which leads me to believe that they feed off of it. That somehow they have figured out a way to metabolize and derive nutrition from apathy.
My personal favorite from last year was Dr. Liping Gan. Straight from Bejing she boasted an extremely impressive sounding list of what I believe were credentials although it sounded eerily like what they yell at you when you walk in the door of Super Buffet. She showed up to class one day near the end of the semester and she had a stick. No one knows why she had a stick. Then she hit herself in the face with it.
There is a chance that this semester her title of Weirdest Professor will be taken from her by a man who teaches ecology. I cannot remember his name right now, mostly because while he is talking I am able to think of nothing other than his shocking resemblance to Adolf Hitler. The only thing that sets this man apart from Hitler is the fact that he has a full moustache instead of that idiotic patch that Hitler had that made it look like his nose kind of skidded into place on his face or that he shaved around the shadow of his nose. He is also slightly chubbier than Hitler. Hes like a well-fed Adolf. Today he demostrated the line on a graph by flattening his hand and extending it out in front of his body at a nearly 45 degree angle.
Thus begins another semester.
My personal favorite from last year was Dr. Liping Gan. Straight from Bejing she boasted an extremely impressive sounding list of what I believe were credentials although it sounded eerily like what they yell at you when you walk in the door of Super Buffet. She showed up to class one day near the end of the semester and she had a stick. No one knows why she had a stick. Then she hit herself in the face with it.
There is a chance that this semester her title of Weirdest Professor will be taken from her by a man who teaches ecology. I cannot remember his name right now, mostly because while he is talking I am able to think of nothing other than his shocking resemblance to Adolf Hitler. The only thing that sets this man apart from Hitler is the fact that he has a full moustache instead of that idiotic patch that Hitler had that made it look like his nose kind of skidded into place on his face or that he shaved around the shadow of his nose. He is also slightly chubbier than Hitler. Hes like a well-fed Adolf. Today he demostrated the line on a graph by flattening his hand and extending it out in front of his body at a nearly 45 degree angle.
Thus begins another semester.
posted by Seth Parham at 12:50 PM
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